The Final Battle: When to Stop Fighting?


Remember the quotes, “If you want something, then fight for it,” or “if you really love someone, you’ll never stop fighting to make it work?” Both of these quotes have been engraved in many of our cultures, through movies, lectures, or advice from others, and they became engraved in many of our belief systems. Keep fighting. Don’t give up. Make it work. Both quotes seem to have put a negative connotation on “giving up,” and “quitting.” Often times, it is because of those quotes that many people stay in stressful situations, due to the desire to make something work that in reality, isn’t going to work. However, even with the negative connotations of the quotes, many of us, including myself, still subscribe to working hard for something that you desire. My question today is… Is it ever okay to quit? If so, when?

Okay so story time: Love and Justice have been in an on and off relationship for approximately four years. When they first got in a relationship, they were inseparable. Anyone who saw them together knew that they were happily in love. Overtime, it seemed like both Love and Justice were starting to become unhappy with the relationship. Neither one seemed to be getting any of their personal needs met, but neither wanted to let go. Agreeing to try and work on the relationship, they started “over.” However, Justice seemed to be putting in more effort to make things work out (i.e. canceling plans, internalizing feelings, and sacrificing own needs to try and make Love happy). Justice started to feel like the relationship has become one sided. Justice brought this to Love’s attention, and everything backfired. Love explained that feelings for Justice aren’t the same as they used to be, which left the relationship in limbo.   Feeling hurt, Justice still couldn’t let Love go, although it seems to be clear that Love doesn’t want to be with Justice or doesn’t want to put effort in trying. Justice doesn’t believe in giving up on something that’s important. But Justice is at a crossroad. What to do?

Here is my take: There will come a time where you just can’t fight any more. You gave your all and your all wasn’t enough. You just have to let it go and call it a lesson learned. The problem with relationships is that one person is always going to have more affection and emotional connection than the other person, which means that one person is going to put in more work to make the relationship work. That same person will be hurt the most if the relationship doesn’t work out. So if you are that person, instead of getting to the point where you are extremely broken and have negative feelings about love, you should decide early on what your breaking point (the exact point when you’re done) is and use that to decide when your fight is over.

Yes, we should at least try to fight for something we want or someone we love. But if you’re the only one fight for a relationship, then sweetheart, you’re going to lose. As for the story above, Justice needs to just fall back and relax. Justice seemed to have put in a lot of effort to make the relationship work out and its just not working. Justice needs to either move on or focus on the self. If Love wants Justice, then Love is going to have to work as equally hard. But if that doesn’t happen, then Justice doesn’t need to fight a battle alone.

So is it ever ok to quit fighting for something or someone that you want and love? Yes it is okay to stop fighting. When you have given your all and there is no progress or you become the only fighting in a battle that takes two, you have to quit. When to quit? You make the decision when your final battle for that specific war will be. Everyone has a breaking point. Use it.

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